Cast: Andrew Bryniarski, Janet Wright, Paul Heiman, Oleg Taktarove, Naveen Andrews, Jean Reno, David Hemblen, LL Cool J., Chris Klein, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos.
We've seen plenty of films that feature high-speed chases through the hilly streets of San Francisco, but nothing quite like the opening of Rollerball, which depicts two street lugers racing each other to the bay while avoiding both traffic and pursuing police cruisers.
The one who doesn't wipe out is Jonathan Cross (Chris Klein, American Pie 2), an aspiring hockey player whose best friend Marcus (LL Cool J, Kingdom Come) hauls him into a car that speeds away before the fuzz can bust his extreme ass. Now, if you've seen Norman Jewison's 1975 version of Rollerball, you're probably pretty confused right about now.
Aside from the actual rollerballing itself, pretty much everything else has been changed. James Caan's cagey veteran has been replaced by a 21-year-old rookie, rollerskates are out in favor of rollerblades, and the teams now contain many female members.
The track and costumes have been souped up for a new generation of bloodsport fans, and the setting, which used to be over 40 years in the future, is now just three. Most importantly, though, is that the message of the original film, which was meant to reveal the depravity of excessive violence (its foreshadowing, with the prediction of a world dominated by several large corporations, was downright spooky), is pretty much jettisoned here.
This version is all about the violence - the more, the better. When the film starts, Marcus is already involved in rollerball, an extreme sport that crosses basketball, motocross, jai-alai, roller derby and the XFL.
The games take place in Kazakhstan and are beamed all over the world, though the league is currently without a deal to televise the sport in the United States. He talks Jonathan into joining him, promising mad Benjamins in a relatively short period of time – plenty more than Marcus can make as an accountant, which is what he studied in school.
Speaking of school, there's a brief reference made to the two men being classmates, which is really silly, considering LL has 12 years on Klein. Flash to four months later, where Jonathan has become the darling of the league and owner Alexi Petrovich's (Jean Reno, Just Visiting) key to securing a North American cable deal. The only trouble is Alexi will do anything to increase the sport's television ratings, including staging dangerous incidents of violence that grow more and more intense. Jonathan and crew catch on, but they're all just a bunch of dumb jocks, right?
They won't be able to band together and stop Petrovich, will they? Rollerball was originally supposed to be an R-rated summer blockbuster last year, but a bunch of violence and, reportedly, a full frontal scene with Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (X-Men), were cut out to get the PG-13. The film is still shockingly violent, but even more scandalous is the decision to cast Romijn-Stamos and then keep her hidden behind masks and bulky costumes (what's the point?).
While some of the action is exciting, Rollerball is pretty darn clunky when the camera is focused on off-the-field activity. In case you don't get the message that the sport is all about the money, director John McTiernan (The Thomas Crown Affair...his other Jewison remake) drives the point home with dozens of shots of cash being counted and the "instant ratings" board skyrocketing whenever viewers see blood. Klein is all wrong for this kind of role. He's gone from being a goofy, happy-go-lucky white boy into what I can only call "Keanu territory" (read: bad action films).
There are dozens of other little things to gripe about, but it will just take up too much space. So, to sum it up, if you're a WWF fan, or you related to the people who watched the robots getting butchered in A.I., you'll probably like Rollerball.
On the other hand, if you have a frigging brain in your head, you'll find something better to do with your time and money.
